When we approach any situation with a right/wrong attitude we create a split between ourselves and others
Freedom is created by the imagining of going beyond right and wrong to a place where we invent things that empower ourselves and others.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.
– (Sufi Poet Rumi)
What Rumi is referring to is the space for possibility to arise from wonder and curiosity instead of condemnation and righteousness. When I say “I am right” I judge you. When I say I feel hurt, I feel confused, I don’t like this or that I create a space where you can say your feelings or point of view. Relationship of motivation, caring, and connection is moved by authenticity. not law.
We hurt relationship when we decree behavior instead of asking for cooperation or inviting interest in new behaviors.
If we say ” You must not use the word TEEN when speaking to others ages 13-19″ We set up a situation of compliance and obedience and political correctness. Compliance and obedience are low forms of social morality because they presume a higher authority and disallow spontaneity and internal conscious guidance. They also are based on FEAR and DISTRUST. Compliance and Obedience are useful in setting up laws and rules for society to adhere to such as speed limits, criminal codes, etc.. however they generally kill Eros in relationship. If we do something because we fear your judgement and retribution we are in a subjugated role. Ultimately, relationships based on fear of judgement suffocate and become dead emotionally because protectiveness and defensiveness outweigh passion and vulnerability.
If we ask young people what words they like to describe their age group we are leading with genuine interest and
deference to their desires. They may say ” Call me whatever you like it is how you treat me that matters” “Don’t ever call me kid” ” I like young adult”. Invariably you will hear many answers because humans do not all have the same references or reactions to phrases or words. More important than codifying behaviors, and politically correct language, is the actual tone and intent of the words and genuinely reflecting on the impact of words and behavior on others.
Respect is created by how we treat others and how we ourselves behave but is hardly ever manifested by ordering others to be respectful.
Absolutely speaking, Do unto others as you would that they should do unto you is by no means a golden rule, but the best of current silver. An honest man would have but little occasion for it. It is golden not to have any rule at all in such a case.
Henry David Thoreau
* Telling others how to be creates separation and fear.
* Accepting others how they are and enjoining them to create new possibilities with you is empowering and connecting.
* Judging others as “RIGHT” or “WRONG” comes from a hierarchy of power and creates authoritarian models of compliance and obedience and strips us of fresh ideas and spontaneity.
* Remove “Being Right” and ” Looking Good” from the goal of interaction and replace with Presence, Curiosity, and Authenticity and LOVE and MOTIVATION will flourish.